A simple ritual to clarify what you want from love and a practical plan for when your thumb has other ideas.
You’ve decided not to text your ex. You have reasons. Sensible, well-earned reasons. Then evening arrives, a familiar song plays, and suddenly “just checking how you are” seems like a perfectly reasonable message. Before you know it, you’re composing something casual with the concentration normally reserved for a mortgage application. Did I get it right?? Come on, we’ve all been there…
If you’ve chosen to keep your distance, a love spell can mark that decision and help you focus on the kind of connection you want next. The ritual here is directed towards your own choices. Its purpose is to make your intention clear and give you something to return to when you’re tempted to abandon it. You can treat it as witchcraft, symbolic reflection, or both.
Work Out What You Want the Message to Give You
Before doing any spellwork, finish this sentence: “If I text them, I’m hoping…” Perhaps you want reassurance that they still care, an apology, familiar conversation, or relief from a lonely evening. Write your answer plainly. Missing someone and wanting to resume a relationship aren’t necessarily the same thing.
Then ask: “Based on our recent history, is this conversation likely to give me that?” Consider what actually happened during previous contact. Did you feel clearer afterwards, or spend the following day interpreting every word? You’re making a decision using the relationship you’ve experienced, rather than the version that might finally appear if you phrase the message perfectly.
Choose another way to address the immediate need. If you want company, ask a friend whether they’re free for a call. If you want to say something, write it in a note you won’t send tonight. If you’re bored, give yourself a specific activity for the next twenty minutes. “Stop thinking about them” is difficult to carry out. “Read one chapter while my phone charges in the kitchen” gives you something doable.
A Love Spell With a Clear Intention
Set aside five minutes and gather paper, a pen, and a small everyday object: a ring, pendant, or smooth stone will work. Choose something you can keep nearby as a reminder. You don’t need a particular crystal, and there’s no need to place a financially ambitious order because your ex has resurfaced.
On the paper, write: “I welcome love that includes…” Add three qualities that matter to you, then describe what each looks like in practice. For “consistency,” you might write “plans that are followed through.” For “respect,” write “being able to disagree without being insulted.” For “affection,” write “warmth that doesn’t disappear whenever I express a need.” These are examples; choose qualities relevant to your own experience.
Read the words aloud while holding your chosen object. Say: “I will give these qualities weight when I choose who gets my time.” Fold the paper and place the object on top. Take a moment to picture one ordinary interaction that would reflect your intention: an honest conversation, a kept promise, or an invitation you don’t have to chase.
End the ritual by deciding one action for tonight. Put your phone out of reach, make the call you planned, or open your book. The object can become a reminder to pause and consult your intention. It doesn’t need to perform relationship management on your behalf; that would be a demanding career for a pebble.
Plan for the Moment You’re Tempted Again
Write a simple rule before the next urge arrives: “If I want to send an emotional message tonight, I’ll save it in notes and reconsider tomorrow.” This gives you a pause without demanding that you never feel tempted. If contact is necessary for parenting, belongings, or arrangements, keep that practical exchange separate from the conversation you’re considering reopening.
Tomorrow, ask whether the message still has a clear purpose and whether sending it fits the decision you want to make. You can reconsider thoughtfully. You can also continue keeping your distance without turning the other person into a villain.
For more on creating personal spells, explore Spellcrafting by Arin Murphy-Hiscock. For fictional post-breakup magical chaos, try The Ex Hex by Erin Sterling. Sometimes it’s satisfying to let fictional people handle the curses.
My Samhain When You’re Out of Spoons and Your Samhain Kit: Rituals, Reflection, and Renewal by a Mental Health Therapist explore living losses and accessible rituals for endings and reflection. Find it through SoniaMRompoti.com, and join my newsletter for more practical magic.
Tonight’s intention can be small: give yourself time to choose before pressing send.
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