He woke from bad dreams loudly. Had for as long as he could remember — a childhood thing that had never fully resolved, his nervous system apparently unwilling to believe the dark was safe without periodic confirmation.
Mira had been startled the first time. Alarmed. She’d reached for him in the dark and found him already sitting up, breathing hard, looking at the wall like he was checking it was still there.
“Hey,” she’d said. “You’re here. I’m here.”
He’d taken three full breaths before he’d turned to look at her.
“Bad one,” he’d said, which was the shorthand they’d developed.
“I know.” She’d taken his hand. “Still just the apartment. Still just Tuesday.”
He’d laughed, short and a little ragged, and she’d moved closer, and they’d sat in the dark for a few minutes until his breathing settled.
Three years later it still happened, though less often. He’d stopped apologizing for it somewhere in year two, when she’d told him with enough directness that he’d finally believed it: he didn’t need to be sorry for waking her. She was his partner. Being woken by him was not an imposition. It was just being his partner.
Tonight, after, when he’d settled back against the pillow, he said — as he sometimes did — “I’m glad you’re not someone who minds.”
“I’m glad you’re not someone who pretends it doesn’t happen,” she said.
He was quiet for a moment. Then: “Still just Tuesday?”
“Still just Tuesday,” she confirmed, and felt him relax.
Some people, she thought, spend their whole lives hiding the hardest parts of themselves from the people they love. The bravest thing she knew was letting someone see the 3am versions. The unguarded ones. The ones that weren’t performing anything at all.
✦ Today’s Reflection
Is there a vulnerable or difficult part of yourself you’ve allowed your partner to see fully — and how did it change your relationship when you did?
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