Sonia M. Rompoti, MSc, Bsc

One of my friends called me last night, panicking and crying over her boyfriend and their recent breakup. Needless to say, we stayed up all night dissecting every single moment of their relationship and what led to this particular moment… in the end, almost out of nowhere, I summed up: “So you are not over him, but you are over IT, yes?” And these magical few words brought silence, calm, and peace…. (not to me, I’m up writing this post, and who knows how many articles for clients I can manage to complete today… but my friend, I’m sure, is sleeping like she hasn’t in a long time).

Emotional closure is a complex and very personal process that people go through following the termination of a love engagement. One common sense that emerges during this trip is one of being “not over you, but over it.” In this article, we will delve into the psychology of this emotional state, giving light on how individuals travel the route to healing and growth following the termination of a relationship.

The “Not Over You, But Over It” Paradox:

The expression “not over you, but over it” expresses a perplexing emotional condition many people go through after a breakup. It represents the ex-partner’s remaining thoughts and emotional attachment while also admitting acceptance and moving forward. Although the person may still have leftover sentiments, it indicates that they have accepted the end of the relationship and are ready to focus on their own personal progress and well-being.

Recognizing Emotional Complexity:

The human emotional landscape is broad and intricate. Following a breakup, it is usual for people to feel a variety of emotions, including sadness, anger, nostalgia, and longing. These feelings may combine with feelings of relief, freedom, and self-discovery. Instead of repressing or dismissing these emotions, it is critical to accept and honor them as part of the healing process.

The Importance of Self-Reflection:

Becoming “over it” necessitates introspection and self-reflection. Individuals must analyze their own needs, values, and objectives apart from the previous partnership. Self-reflection allows for a more in-depth grasp of personal development chances and lessons learned from prior relationships. It gives people the ability to reinvent themselves, set healthy boundaries, and create a greater sense of self.

Growth and Resilience:

Moving from “not over you” to “over it” represents growth and resilience. It signifies the individual’s ability to turn suffering into strength by viewing setbacks as chances for personal growth. Individuals get insights into their own strengths and vulnerabilities as a result of the healing process, allowing them to manage future relationships with a higher sense of self-awareness and emotional maturity.

Closure at One’s Own Pace:

Closure is not a linear process, nor does it follow a set timetable. Each person’s path to emotional closure is unique, and it is critical to respect and honor one’s own pace. Healing takes time, kindness, and patience. It is critical not to compare one’s success to that of others or to feel forced to comply with societal norms. Remember that healing is a personal journey that takes its own time to complete.

Seeking help:

Seeking help from friends, family, or a therapist can be extremely beneficial during the process of emotional closure. Individuals that can be trusted can offer a listening ear, validation, and assistance as they manage the complexities of their emotions. Conversations regarding feelings, experiences, and lessons learned can aid healing and develop a sense of connection and understanding.

The emotional condition of “not over you, but over it” embodies the contradictory nature of healing following the termination of a romantic relationship. It acknowledges the persistence of emotions while also representing acceptance and growth. The route to emotional closure is a very personal one that requires self-reflection, resilience, and self-compassion. Keep in mind that closure happens at its own time, and seeking help from trusted people can provide useful direction along the path. Individuals can create a renewed sense of self and embark on a future full of possibilities by embracing the complexities of emotions and focusing on personal progress.