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Growing up, my mother would always comment on how bad I was at singing. My father, on the other hand, would make a huge deal out of me having a wonderful voice. Needless to say, I was always at a loss. So as I was growing up, I was always wondering if should sing out loud or not.
The answer to my troubles came when we got a dog. Our little chihuahua was a cute little thing, but brutally honest. She would never leave my side, EXCEPT for when I tried to sing. One sound was enough to create havoc, she would run out of the room literally crying! Believe it or not, the dog would run crying to another room and hide until I stopped.. so that was the end of my days as a lyrical singer.
If you know one thing about me, it is that I never ever give up. You tell me it can not be done and off I go on a mission.
So! Becoming a singer was out of the question, but I loved popular songs and I wanted so much to feel connected to the music industry. I thought long and hard and came up with Plan B: learning to play an instrument was my way around this singing problem.
Oh and I did… I TRIED -tried being the keyword- to learn plenty of instruments. I watched musicians, and learned their beats, I was a whole new person trying out different instruments. I tried the flute, drums.. even the xylophone (yes, I do not give up)… and even the violin a couple of years ago (yes, it never ends.. unless I succeed).
I feel the violin was the end of this era by the way, again because of a dog. My Rottweiler would take the damn thing and break it every single time I tried to practice at home. I bought so many violins that people at the store would look at me funny. I talked to trainers, people came to see what was going on… apparently he thought the violin was attacking me. And I thought this was a clear sign for me to quit, before worse things happened.
And again, off to a new plan: I would write songs! I could even become a producer, and a writer, and get credit for all my hard work! I studied songwriting, composition, and even melody, I dreamed of a career where I would sit in nature and study emotions to write songs. By now you know that this plan did not exactly go as planned… not due to lack of trying by the way.
Being a songwriter and composer was one of my best ideas, I still believe. The problem was..well.. I had nothing to write about. Every song I would come up with, I would keep for myself. My life afterall has been one shocking event after another, so how could I write and not feel bad about hurting the young members of the world with my words? So I gave up.
I still write songs, I even dream of writing a musical. But I never sing, not even one note… when it all becomes too much, I whisper lyrics in my car, but that’s all. Make no mistake, I love the music industry -at least the version I have in my head- but songwriting, composition and singing was not for me.
I moved on to writing. Just writing, for me and for you. I write about products, I write about psychology, I write about magic and nature.. and if you look hard enough, and if I am tired enough that I slip up… if you might notice each word and breathe when I breathe while writing, you might realise my writing is rhythmic like songwriting. My writing are my tracks, and this is as close as it gets for me. My mother was right after all.