Sonia M. Rompoti, MSc, bsc

“Why am I the only one who notices the toilet paper is out?”
—Every woman, ever.

You wake up already tired.
You answer emails while brushing your teeth.
You remember to send that birthday gift, schedule the dentist, make dinner, clean the bathroom, soothe your child’s meltdown, and smile at your partner like everything’s fine.

And at the end of the day?
You blame yourself for not doing more.

Let’s clear something up once and for all:
You’re not lazy.
You’re carrying the invisible weight of everyone and everything.

What Is the Mental Load?

The “mental load” is the unseen emotional labor of managing life. It’s the invisible to-do list in your head 24/7.

Think:

• Keeping track of appointments
• Noticing what needs restocking
• Remembering birthdays and social dynamics
• Anticipating everyone’s needs before they’re spoken

The problem? This load is rarely shared.
Even when partners “help,” they often wait to be asked.
But asking is part of the load too.

Why You Feel Like You’re Failing (Even When You’re Not)

Many women—especially moms, caregivers, perfectionists, and people-pleasers—live in a constant state of emotional burnout.

Burnout doesn’t always look like breaking down in tears.

Sometimes it looks like:

• Procrastinating because your brain is overloaded
• Snapping at your loved ones over small things
• Feeling numb, distracted, or restless
• Constant guilt for not doing “enough”

These are not personality flaws.
These are survival responses to chronic overload.

The Science Behind Exhaustion

Cognitive load theory tells us our brains can only handle so many “working memory” tasks at once. When you’re juggling 10 tasks in your head (child’s schedule, work deadlines, groceries, family dynamics), your brain enters decision fatigue.

Symptoms include:

• Brain fog
• Short temper
• Forgetfulness
• Overwhelm at simple decisions

And here’s the kicker:
The more competent you are? The more you get handed.

Invisible Work = Invisible Burnout

Society tends to praise outward productivity.
But no one applauds:

• Remembering your child’s friend’s allergy
• Writing the thank-you notes
• Fixing everyone’s bad moods

This invisible labor adds up until you’re emotionally bankrupt.

The Role of Gender & Conditioning

Women are taught from a young age to be:

• Helpful
• Polite
• Self-sacrificing
• Emotionally available

So we internalize the belief that our worth is measured by how much we do for others.

Even when exhausted, we push through. Even when sick, we show up. Even when breaking, we smile.

Because to stop is to feel guilty.

It’s time we rewrite that narrative.

So What Can You Do?

You don’t need a full-blown self-care retreat in Bali.
You need practical ways to lighten your mental load every day.

Here’s where to start:

1. Write It Down, Then Cut It Down

Dump your entire mental load on paper.
Then circle what’s truly essential.
Delegate, delay, or delete the rest.

2. Create “Default Settings”

Set up routines that automate decisions: meal plans, chore charts, Sunday prep.
Reducing decisions saves energy.

3. Stop Apologizing for Being Tired

Tired isn’t weakness.
It’s your nervous system telling you to pause. Listen to it.

4. Ask for Support Without Guilt

Asking doesn’t make you a burden.
It makes you human.
Let people show up—or notice if they don’t.

You Are Not Lazy

You are showing up every day, managing more than most people see. So if you didn’t finish the laundry or forgot that birthday card?

It doesn’t make you lazy. It makes you overextended. Take off the cape. You’re not meant to do it all.

You Deserve Mental Rest, Not Just Physical Rest

Burnout isn’t fixed by sleep alone.
You need validation, clarity, and support.