Sonia M. Rompoti, MSc, Bsc

Losing someone dear to you doesn’t come with a timeline or a checklist of stages to complete. The idea of “moving on” is commonly suggested, but it implies leaving the loss behind, which can feel impossible. Instead, it’s more about learning how to carry that loss forward with you.

In this article, we’ll explore how grief reshapes your life, how it becomes part of your journey, and why you don’t “move on” but learn to live with it.

The Myth of Moving On: Why It’s Not About Forgetting

One of the first things you may hear after a loss is the suggestion to “move on,” as if it’s a destination or a stage you’re expected to reach. However, moving on suggests forgetting or leaving behind the person, which often feels unrealistic or even disrespectful. Instead, we learn to integrate the loss into our ongoing lives, continuing to love and miss the person as part of who we are.

• Loss Changes You: The absence of someone important alters your identity. It’s not about getting back to the person you were before the loss because that version of you no longer exists. Instead, you carry the experience and their memory with you.
• A New Relationship with Grief: Just like relationships in life evolve, so does your relationship with grief. It’s not static; it transforms with time, from raw and unbearable to something that may feel like a quiet undercurrent.

How Grief Becomes Part of Your Daily Life

Grief is not a one-time event; it’s a process, one that ebbs and flows through your days. Over time, it shifts in intensity, but it never completely disappears. Learning to live with this new reality requires resilience, patience, and self-compassion. Here’s how grief stays with you:

• Triggers Can Be Unexpected: Even when you think you’re moving forward, something as simple as a song, a scent, or a date can trigger memories, bringing a rush of emotion. That’s okay. It’s normal to have moments of intense grief years after the loss.
• Coping Isn’t Linear: Some days will feel easier than others, but there’s no straight line of progress. You may find yourself suddenly overwhelmed by grief after feeling okay for months. This doesn’t mean you’ve regressed—it’s a natural part of the process.

The Importance of Moving With: Accepting Grief as a Companion

When we talk about moving with loss, we acknowledge that grief stays with us but doesn’t have to control us. Instead of viewing grief as something to overcome, we can reframe it as a companion that walks alongside us as we continue living.

• Creating Space for Joy: Moving with grief doesn’t mean living in constant sorrow. It means that grief becomes part of your emotional landscape, but there’s also space for joy, love, and new experiences. Grief coexists with these emotions.
• Honoring the Person You Lost: One way to move with grief is by finding ways to honor the person’s memory. This could be through traditions, sharing stories, or doing something in their name. In this way, their presence continues to be felt in your life.

Practical Ways to Move With Grief

While everyone’s grief journey is different, there are practical steps that can help integrate loss into your life while still moving forward. Here are some methods that others have found useful:

• Create Rituals: Whether it’s lighting a candle on special days or setting aside time to reflect on your memories, rituals can help keep your connection to your loved one alive while also allowing you to focus on the present.
• Join a Support Group: Connecting with others who have experienced loss can be deeply healing. They understand that grief isn’t something you “get over” but something you learn to live with. Hearing their stories may help you feel less alone in your journey.
• Find Creative Outlets: Writing, painting, or even gardening can provide therapeutic outlets for your emotions. Creative activities give you a way to express feelings that may be difficult to verbalize.
• Practice Self-Compassion: You are allowed to grieve in your own way and time. Avoid comparing your journey to others. There’s no right or wrong way to move with grief.

Embrace Your Own Grief Journey

As you walk with grief, remember that it’s your journey—unique and deeply personal. Don’t rush yourself through it, and don’t let others tell you how you should grieve. Instead, learn to carry the memory of your loved one with you, letting grief evolve with your life. If you’d like to continue exploring how to embrace your grief journey, subscribe to our blog for more insights and stories of hope and resilience.